I DID NOT KNOW THIS WOULD BE
THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE!
Updated September 2024
Getting older gets a bad rap! Sometimes I do wish I knew years ago, what I know now (“Ooh La La”). Realistically, the reason I know what I know now, is from my life experiences. Looking back, I have so many wonderful experiences and memories in my life. I was also very fortunate that I never really had to worry about food insecurity, not having a comfortable place to live, or feeling unsafe. That’s quite a gift and I try to keep that in perspective. Ironically, I think I’m even more grateful for the many difficult life lessons and adversity I have faced in my lifetime. This list is long and sometimes embarrassing. It includes some mistakes in judgment, failed relationships, career hiccups, dealing with serious illnesses & loss of family members, and knowing that the consequences of some things I did or said caused others pain and sadness.
While it may seem strange for me to feel grateful for my screw-ups, mistakes and the adversity in my life, those difficult experiences enabled me to learn how handle adversity, become more emotionally mature, and more self-aware. And as a result, this is most definitely, happiest period of my lifetime. Getting older brings perspective. I do not know if I will be around another 30+ years or 30 days, but I intend to make my remaining time meaningful and fulfilling as much as possible.
Six Things I Know Now That I Wish I Knew When I Was Younger:
1. I worried way too much about what others think about me.
I sometimes laugh at my younger self, always so concerned about trying to impress others. I now realize how I often I was probably perceived as pompous and arrogant. I think I needed to demonstrate how smart or successful I was to hide my own insecurities. So many times, my actions unintentionally ended up offending or alienating people who were important to me. And if someone was upset with me, I was a mess. Truth is, I think I am happier and a better partner, colleague, friend, co-worker, parent, sibling, etc., when I am vulnerable, humble, focused more on listening actively and talking less, and concerned more with learning from others than demonstrating my own competence.
2. I spent too much time and energy looking in the rear-view mirror or worrying about what might happen.
I constantly worried and regretted about what I could have and should have done better. I spent way too much time and energy (and not sleeping) worrying about what might happen in the future. I am not like a well-trained Buddhist monk who has found inner peace and always lives in the now. I struggle every day to be more present and mindful. Some days are better than others. I have gained real confidence that no matter what life throws my way, I can deal with it. I used to say that when I was younger, but I realize now it was arrogance compensating for my underlying insecurities.
I spent too much of my life living with unresolved guilt. That’s not to imply that I have no regrets, no conscience, or no moral compass. It’s just that I need to accept, learn and progress through adversity and the consequences of poor decisions and other mistakes in my life. I cannot change the past, but I can develop better personal skills to be more present and less concerned about what did happen or what might happen.
3. Good sleep hygiene is essential.
One of many gifts from my relationship with Kris is that I now have better sleep habits. Before Kris, I was very nocturnal, my sleep patterns were inconsistent, and I rarely got a good night of sleep. I generally never went to bed before midnight. My very active mind (undiagnosed ADD) made it extremely difficult for me to just shut down and fall asleep. When I climbed into bed at night, even if I was tired, I was unable to turn off the brain chatter. My brain chatter was a constant barrage of random thoughts and worries that would not shut-up and let me fall asleep. I knew I had to get it under control or Kris would be banishing me to the guest room at night.
I have made a lot of progress addressing my horrendous sleep hygiene. I think learning to meditate was the most effective sleep skill I learned. I attended a class on meditation and read some great books (my favorite was ‘The Untethered Soul’ by Michael A. Singer). My improvement was gradual, no epiphany or magic bullet. In the simplest terms, I learned to avoid getting sucked into my brain chatter that I just could not shut down. The Untethered Soul provides a good analogy. When I tried to fall asleep, my brain chatter made me feel like I was trying to swim in white water rapids. Now, in most cases, I can avoid the virtual rapids by standing on the riverbank and just observing the rapids without jumping in. Today, I am generally in bed around 10 PM and most nights I can fall asleep right away – something I never thought was possible. I wake up early and feeling more rested. Improved sleep habits have improved my focus, productivity, and energy level.
4. Don‘t wait until you are over 50 to start exercising and eating healthy.
I hate exercising! I don’t get an endorphin rush or any real pleasure when I exercise. The only positive I feel when exercising is the satisfaction when I am done working out! I also don’t like food discipline but, as much as possible, I am now consuming an all organic, vegetarian diet, and some wild caught seafood for protein. I have not eaten animal meat in over10 years. I started eating mostly vegetarian food because that is what Kris ate. Now my perspective has changed. I am more attuned to the cruel treatment of farm animals raised for meat. I appreciate that I can still eat delicious meals and get plenty of protein with a vegetarian diet and it is so much better for our environment.
As a result of my relatively new lifestyle, I am in better shape, feel healthier and I have more energy than I did 20 years ago. Additionally, I feel I am making a good investment now, so my more senior years will be “less-senior!” I am glad that both my daughters work out diligently multiple times per week. I wish I was doing the same when I was their age.
5. Do not let Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) go undiagnosed.
I always seemed to have the attention span of a gnat. I was easily distracted, frequently interrupting conversations, unable to truly listen without my mind wandering, or just be present. This was my normal and I was very unaware of how it impacted my relationships, work, and comprehension. Better late than never, I finally took action when I could see my ADD behaviors were really damaging my relationship with Kris. She is probably the most patient and focused listener I ever met. She carefully organizes her thoughts before speaking. I tend to think out loud. Kris often felt like I was not interested in what she had to say, because I was so easily distracted and not actively listening. I think I have the situation under better control now thanks to some training in mindfulness and mediation and an Adderall prescription. There are still too many squirrels that will distract me in the middle of a conversation and my racing brain can frequently get stuck in overdrive. However, understanding my ADD and using my coping mechanisms have helped me so much.
“Ooh La La”, I wish I knew this I was younger.
6. Live with gratitude!
When I was more youthful, I invested too much time and energy worrying about what I did not have and believing that more wealth and status equated to more happiness. I have learned that gratitude is my foundation for feeling happy. I feel incredibly grateful for the life I have now. I am so thankful for the life Kris and I share together. I am grateful that we have helped each other to be more self-aware and better partners for each other. I am fortunate I can afford to be retired, assuming I will avoid or significantly delay any unanticipated major medical catastrophes. I am blessed to have two amazing daughters who are both happily married, smart, capable, independent, and hard-working adults. In fact, I have a truly amazing immediate and extended family. I am so fortunate that pretty much across the board, my family members are intelligent, fun, incredibly accomplished, and living purposeful lives. A gift of getting older is that I am learning to use my gratitude as an awesome coping mechanism when bad things could happen or do happen.
A benefit of getting older is having the maturity to embrace life changes, the confidence to know I can deal with them, and the understanding the happiness comes from within me, not outside of me.
Random Thoughts from the Active Mind of Dan Saltzman 
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